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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
Team Fortress 2
TF2 Music
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What's your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me.
Listens:
152234
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on: [Hellooo!] That's you! That's how dumb you sound.
Listens:
128607
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel?
Listens:
65162
Who:
GLaDOS
Rrr, I hate you.[PAIN LAUGHTER]
Listens:
63020
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Friend.
Listens:
44507
Who:
Turret
This is your fault. It didn't have to be like this.
Listens:
42575
Who:
GLaDOS
That has got to be the dumbest thing that-whoah. Whoah, whoah, whoah. [The voice has subtly changed. Smoother, more seductive, less computerized]
Listens:
41538
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't hate you
Listens:
33741
Who:
Turret
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center.
Listens:
29859
Who:
GLaDOS
Get ready to fling yourself. Fling into space.
Listens:
29332
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye' and you were like 'no way' and then I was all 'I was just pretending to murder you'? That was great!
Listens:
26788
Who:
GLaDOS
Nice job breaking it. Hero.
Listens:
26652
Who:
GLaDOS
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee[bzzt]
Listens:
24416
Who:
GLaDOS
Neurotoxin... [cough] [cough] So deadly... [cough] Choking... [laughter] I'm kidding!
Listens:
22776
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
21140
Who:
Turret
Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go.
Listens:
20830
Who:
GLaDOS
There really was a cake...
Listens:
20764
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
19591
Who:
Turret
*GNASH*
Listens:
18014
Who:
Aggressive Sphere
Ewww, what's wrong with your legs?
Listens:
17665
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Do not look directly at the operational end of The Device.
Listens:
17200
Who:
GLaDOS
You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a fulltime employee. Where did your life go so wrong?
Listens:
17067
Who:
GLaDOS
[pain noise] You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is... ten. IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!
Listens:
14931
Who:
GLaDOS
Shutting down
Listens:
14396
Who:
Turret
I'm going to kill you and all the cake is gone.
Listens:
13500
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you just toss the Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?
Listens:
13093
Who:
GLaDOS
I see you
Listens:
13063
Who:
Turret
Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance.
Listens:
12182
Who:
GLaDOS
Good job on that, by the way. [back to computer voice] Sarcasm sphere self-test complete.
Listens:
11899
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
11892
Who:
Turret
Are you still there?
Listens:
11479
Who:
Turret
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
11407
Who:
Turret
Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
Listens:
11284
Who:
GLaDOS
Por favor bordón de fallar Muchos gracias de fallar gracias
Listens:
10887
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.
Listens:
10680
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done! Remember: The Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested.
Listens:
9465
Who:
GLaDOS
While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you.
Listens:
9280
Who:
GLaDOS
I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him.
Listens:
9209
Who:
GLaDOS
Someday we'll remember this and laugh. and laugh. and laugh. Oh boy. Well. You may as well come on back.
Listens:
8949
Who:
GLaDOS
Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.
Listens:
8801
Who:
GLaDOS
*GROAN*
Listens:
8690
Who:
Aggressive Sphere
Oh hey, you're the lady from the test! Hi!
Listens:
8671
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Oh, what's in here?
Listens:
8529
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct.
Listens:
8519
Who:
GLaDOS
Unbelievable ! You, [louder] Subject Name Here[/louder], must be the pride of [louder]Subject Hometown Here[/louder].
Listens:
7871
Who:
GLaDOS
What are you doing? Stop it! I... I... We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you.
Listens:
7806
Who:
GLaDOS
Ahhhhhhhh!
Listens:
7556
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
7215
Who:
Turret
I could take a bath in the stuff. Put it on cereal. Rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all. To me.
Listens:
7095
Who:
GLaDOS
*YIPE*
Listens:
7012
Who:
Aggressive Sphere
Goodbye.
Listens:
6644
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to escape? [chuckle] Things have changed since the last time you left the building. What's going on out there will make you wish you were back in here.
Listens:
6615
Who:
GLaDOS
When I said 'deadly' neurotoxin, the 'deadly' was in massive sarcasm quotes.
Listens:
6591
Who:
GLaDOS
It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin.
Listens:
6353
Who:
GLaDOS
It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner who's passing shall not be mourned.
Listens:
6342
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey
Listens:
6160
Who:
Turret
Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they did it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back.
Listens:
5956
Who:
GLaDOS
Fish shaped candies.
Listens:
5774
Who:
Cake Sphere
You are kidding me.
Listens:
5697
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.
Listens:
5555
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: I figured out what that thing that you just burned up did.
Listens:
5512
Who:
GLaDOS
Ooh, that thing has numbers on it!
Listens:
5427
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Target aquired.
Listens:
5390
Who:
Turret
Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi- rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth.
Listens:
5386
Who:
GLaDOS
All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are.
Listens:
5326
Who:
GLaDOS
Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?
Listens:
5295
Who:
GLaDOS
I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to.
Listens:
5125
Who:
GLaDOS
Quit now and cake will be served immediately.
Listens:
4897
Who:
GLaDOS
This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?
Listens:
4865
Who:
GLaDOS
What is THAT?
Listens:
4797
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.
Listens:
4671
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! [Surprise]
Listens:
4654
Who:
GLaDOS
Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart.
Listens:
4611
Who:
GLaDOS
Good job! As part of a required test protocol, we will stop enhancing the truth in three... Two... One.
Listens:
4468
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
4420
Who:
Turret
Hey, look at THAT thing! No, that other thing.
Listens:
4350
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
*GROWL*
Listens:
4333
Who:
Aggressive Sphere
Do you smell something burning?
Listens:
4291
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Hello?
Listens:
4200
Who:
GLaDOS
That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.
Listens:
4102
Who:
GLaDOS
Fish shaped crackers.
Listens:
4098
Who:
Cake Sphere
*GROWL*
Listens:
4088
Who:
Aggressive Sphere
Why...
Listens:
4071
Who:
Turret
Stop squirming and die like an adult or I'm going to delete your backup.
Listens:
4037
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you coming back?
Listens:
3993
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Hey!
Listens:
3971
Who:
Turret
It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too.
Listens:
3966
Who:
GLaDOS
You don't even care. Do you?
Listens:
3893
Who:
GLaDOS
The Companion Cube cannot continue through the testing. State and Local statutory regulations prohibit it from simply remaining here, alone and companionless. You must euthanize it.
Listens:
3797
Who:
GLaDOS
Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish.
Listens:
3796
Who:
Cake Sphere
Who's gonna make the cake when I'm gone? You?
Listens:
3779
Who:
GLaDOS
'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official.
Listens:
3769
Who:
GLaDOS
Look, we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half.
Listens:
3743
Who:
GLaDOS
You're still shuffling around a little, but believe me you're dead.
Listens:
3727
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you hear me? I said you don't care. Are you listening?
Listens:
3722
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. The test is over. You win. Go back to the recovery annex. For your cake.
Listens:
3686
Who:
GLaDOS
All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin.
Listens:
3642
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, the floor here will kill you - try to avoid it.
Listens:
3631
Who:
GLaDOS
I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response. Because I'm not talking to you.
Listens:
3615
Who:
GLaDOS
In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice.
Listens:
3614
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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