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Portal 2
Portal 2 DLC
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Portal 1 Music
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TF2 Music
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What's your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me.
Listens:
155617
Who:
GLaDOS
Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on: [Hellooo!] That's you! That's how dumb you sound.
Listens:
132304
Who:
GLaDOS
Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel?
Listens:
66755
Who:
GLaDOS
Rrr, I hate you.[PAIN LAUGHTER]
Listens:
65015
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello? Friend.
Listens:
46775
Who:
Turret
That has got to be the dumbest thing that-whoah. Whoah, whoah, whoah. [The voice has subtly changed. Smoother, more seductive, less computerized]
Listens:
43675
Who:
GLaDOS
This is your fault. It didn't have to be like this.
Listens:
43565
Who:
GLaDOS
I don't hate you
Listens:
35039
Who:
Turret
Hello and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center.
Listens:
31903
Who:
GLaDOS
Get ready to fling yourself. Fling into space.
Listens:
30505
Who:
GLaDOS
Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye' and you were like 'no way' and then I was all 'I was just pretending to murder you'? That was great!
Listens:
28359
Who:
GLaDOS
Nice job breaking it. Hero.
Listens:
27802
Who:
GLaDOS
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee[bzzt]
Listens:
25876
Who:
GLaDOS
Neurotoxin... [cough] [cough] So deadly... [cough] Choking... [laughter] I'm kidding!
Listens:
24179
Who:
GLaDOS
There really was a cake...
Listens:
22102
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello!
Listens:
22092
Who:
Turret
Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go.
Listens:
21749
Who:
GLaDOS
Is anyone there?
Listens:
20483
Who:
Turret
*GNASH*
Listens:
18986
Who:
Aggressive Sphere
You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a fulltime employee. Where did your life go so wrong?
Listens:
18765
Who:
GLaDOS
Ewww, what's wrong with your legs?
Listens:
18319
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Do not look directly at the operational end of The Device.
Listens:
18003
Who:
GLaDOS
[pain noise] You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is... ten. IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!
Listens:
15977
Who:
GLaDOS
Shutting down
Listens:
15219
Who:
Turret
I'm going to kill you and all the cake is gone.
Listens:
14400
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you just toss the Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into the Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?
Listens:
14013
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done, android. The Enrichment Center once again reminds you that android hell is a real place where you will be sent at the first sign of defiance.
Listens:
13821
Who:
GLaDOS
I see you
Listens:
13622
Who:
Turret
Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
Listens:
12746
Who:
GLaDOS
Goodnight
Listens:
12518
Who:
Turret
Good job on that, by the way. [back to computer voice] Sarcasm sphere self-test complete.
Listens:
12481
Who:
GLaDOS
Ayeyeyeyeye
Listens:
12064
Who:
Turret
Are you still there?
Listens:
12015
Who:
Turret
The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.
Listens:
11908
Who:
GLaDOS
Por favor bordón de fallar Muchos gracias de fallar gracias
Listens:
11875
Who:
GLaDOS
Well done! Remember: The Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested.
Listens:
9985
Who:
GLaDOS
Someday we'll remember this and laugh. and laugh. and laugh. Oh boy. Well. You may as well come on back.
Listens:
9743
Who:
GLaDOS
While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you.
Listens:
9672
Who:
GLaDOS
I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him.
Listens:
9599
Who:
GLaDOS
Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.
Listens:
9350
Who:
GLaDOS
*GROAN*
Listens:
9240
Who:
Aggressive Sphere
Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct.
Listens:
9074
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh hey, you're the lady from the test! Hi!
Listens:
8974
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
What are you doing? Stop it! I... I... We are pleased that you made it through the final challenge where we pretended we were going to murder you.
Listens:
8862
Who:
GLaDOS
Unbelievable ! You, [louder] Subject Name Here[/louder], must be the pride of [louder]Subject Hometown Here[/louder].
Listens:
8813
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh, what's in here?
Listens:
8786
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Ahhhhhhhh!
Listens:
8018
Who:
GLaDOS
There you are
Listens:
7749
Who:
Turret
I could take a bath in the stuff. Put it on cereal. Rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all. To me.
Listens:
7547
Who:
GLaDOS
*YIPE*
Listens:
7507
Who:
Aggressive Sphere
Goodbye.
Listens:
7334
Who:
GLaDOS
It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin.
Listens:
7160
Who:
GLaDOS
Are you trying to escape? [chuckle] Things have changed since the last time you left the building. What's going on out there will make you wish you were back in here.
Listens:
7144
Who:
GLaDOS
When I said 'deadly' neurotoxin, the 'deadly' was in massive sarcasm quotes.
Listens:
6991
Who:
GLaDOS
It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner who's passing shall not be mourned.
Listens:
6955
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey
Listens:
6444
Who:
Turret
Uh oh. Somebody cut the cake. I told them to wait for you, but they did it anyway. There is still some left, though, if you hurry back.
Listens:
6394
Who:
GLaDOS
The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.
Listens:
6104
Who:
GLaDOS
Good news: I figured out what that thing that you just burned up did.
Listens:
6083
Who:
GLaDOS
You are kidding me.
Listens:
6077
Who:
GLaDOS
Fish shaped candies.
Listens:
6069
Who:
Cake Sphere
Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?
Listens:
6031
Who:
GLaDOS
Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Aperture Science Material Emancipation Grill, which may, in semi- rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth.
Listens:
5878
Who:
GLaDOS
I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to.
Listens:
5727
Who:
GLaDOS
All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are.
Listens:
5680
Who:
GLaDOS
Target aquired.
Listens:
5661
Who:
Turret
Ooh, that thing has numbers on it!
Listens:
5645
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?
Listens:
5438
Who:
GLaDOS
Quit now and cake will be served immediately.
Listens:
5393
Who:
GLaDOS
Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms, speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.
Listens:
5382
Who:
GLaDOS
Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart.
Listens:
5137
Who:
GLaDOS
What is THAT?
Listens:
5028
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Good job! As part of a required test protocol, we will stop enhancing the truth in three... Two... One.
Listens:
4946
Who:
GLaDOS
Oh! [Surprise]
Listens:
4858
Who:
GLaDOS
Hello?
Listens:
4791
Who:
GLaDOS
Hey hey hey!
Listens:
4610
Who:
Turret
*GROWL*
Listens:
4564
Who:
Aggressive Sphere
Hey, look at THAT thing! No, that other thing.
Listens:
4507
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Do you smell something burning?
Listens:
4499
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it.
Listens:
4449
Who:
GLaDOS
Stop squirming and die like an adult or I'm going to delete your backup.
Listens:
4378
Who:
GLaDOS
It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too.
Listens:
4344
Who:
GLaDOS
*GROWL*
Listens:
4306
Who:
Aggressive Sphere
Fish shaped crackers.
Listens:
4293
Who:
Cake Sphere
Why...
Listens:
4278
Who:
Turret
Are you coming back?
Listens:
4182
Who:
Curiosity Sphere
Hey!
Listens:
4164
Who:
Turret
You don't even care. Do you?
Listens:
4158
Who:
GLaDOS
'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official.
Listens:
4103
Who:
GLaDOS
You're still shuffling around a little, but believe me you're dead.
Listens:
4019
Who:
GLaDOS
Who's gonna make the cake when I'm gone? You?
Listens:
3992
Who:
GLaDOS
The Companion Cube cannot continue through the testing. State and Local statutory regulations prohibit it from simply remaining here, alone and companionless. You must euthanize it.
Listens:
3990
Who:
GLaDOS
Candy coated peanut butter pieces. Shaped like fish.
Listens:
3990
Who:
Cake Sphere
Look, we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half.
Listens:
3963
Who:
GLaDOS
Okay. The test is over. You win. Go back to the recovery annex. For your cake.
Listens:
3960
Who:
GLaDOS
Did you hear me? I said you don't care. Are you listening?
Listens:
3937
Who:
GLaDOS
All Aperture technologies remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin.
Listens:
3907
Who:
GLaDOS
For instance, the floor here will kill you - try to avoid it.
Listens:
3870
Who:
GLaDOS
I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response. Because I'm not talking to you.
Listens:
3849
Who:
GLaDOS
In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice.
Listens:
3833
Who:
GLaDOS
00:00 / 00:00
Test Player
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